Allow me to ask you a question: Have you ever heard the words “What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger”?
This famous saying comes from the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, who wrote in his 1888 book Twilight of the Idols.
What Doesn’t Kill You, Makes You Stronger Meaning: What Does It Mean? – English Study Online
Although I’ve spent many years in Germany, I was unaware.
As a product of the Civil Rights Movement and a Baby Boomer, I grew up with parents who didn’t believe in sparing the rod.
There are various versions of Proverbs 13:24, tied to sparing the rod depending on how you feel; I’m sure one of them suits you best.
Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.
Today, we know that what happens to children who misbehave or do not listen to their parents is different from what it was in the past.
I don’t consider myself someone who misbehaved, but someone who obviously didn’t understand what I was told to do.
Sometimes I took those whippings for the team.
I recently burned myself about a month ago, taking something out of the oven. The burn was not visible on the front of my arm, but on the back of my forearm, which was hidden from those approaching me from the front.
Although I didn’t see the scar until two days later, I felt it for days after the event.
As I think about the scars we hide, I’m always concerned about the scars we don’t see.
Just like my burn that showed up after the fact. I didn’t see it right off; it took it forming properly for me to see it.
Every day, when I walk into places like Walmart or other places where I must navigate past people, I look at their faces.
Each person has a different façade they bring to the marketplace.
Granted, I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth and have lived all over the world after my high school graduation.
It was in those lessons of understanding responsibility, where my parents, who didn’t believe in sparing the rod if one of my siblings got hurt or I didn’t obey, helped make me stronger.
There is a time and a place for everything, and luckily, I had great mentors in the military who shared their wisdom.
But what about our youth today- who’s giving them the guidance and wisdom required to be more disciplined in life?
Many years ago, I was required to study Sigmund Freud as part of my Clinical Mental Health Counseling program to understand the Id, Ego, and Superego.
Maybe that is why the scars we hide and those we don’t are what my unconscious mind is thinking about today.
Freud’s Theory of the Unconscious Mind: The Iceberg Analogy
We don’t know what the surface is until we trigger something, and then it’s up to us to react either in the Id, ego, or superego.
One of the things I’m most proud of is my patience as I write in my journal when I need to exercise better self-control.
Although I know the scars that I had to go through to get to a point in my life, many don’t see the scars because there’s an analogy of not keeping good records of bad things that resonates within me.
Don’t Keep Records of Bad Things – Mckinleys
This week is my reminder that “The Scars We Hide and Those We Don’t” are real, and it’s a matter of letting go of things that can rob you of your joy.
Frank Sinatra has said, “Don’t hide your scars. They make you who you are.”
All those people whom I see with frowns on their faces that I mentioned in places such as Walmart or other places where I must navigate past people, this is why I look at their faces.
“Live your life in such a way that you’ll be remembered for your kindness, compassion, fairness, character, benevolence, and a force for good who had much respect for life, in general.” ― Germany Kent
“No matter how dysfunctional your background, how broke or broken you are, where you are today, or what anyone else says, YOU MATTER, and your life matters!” ― Germany Kent
Today, I challenge you to put a smile on your face, because someone else is in a worse shape than you.
McKinley, thanks for your insight into how good most people are at hiding their pain. We just don’t know what others are going through in their lives. The facade is real and gives a false sense that life is all good. A simple smile and hello can really make a difference in people’s day.
Scott,
Good morning,
I appreciate your feedback this morning. You’re so correct that “A simple smile and hello can really make a difference in people’s day.”
As a side note, before the World Trade Center came down, people in New York maintained a distinct façade. After that event, things changed. It was during my time there that I really took notice of their faces. Have a great week ahead.
McKinley
Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt reflection CM. It reminds us that while physical scars may fade, the unseen scars carried in the heart often tell the deeper story. We never truly know what someone else is facing, which is why kindness, patience, and compassion should always guide our interactions with Love & Joy. Did you catch that?
I appreciate your reminder that our past doesn’t have to define us—it can strengthen us, shape our character, and increase our capacity to help others. As Scripture reminds us, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)
May we all choose grace over judgment, encouragement over criticism, and a smile over indifference. Sometimes the smallest act of kindness can help heal a scar no one else can see.
Blessings, my brother. Thank you for this timely message.
Dr. Lovejoy,
Such powerful words you wrote as I reflect. I caught everything you said and more. Thank you for providing the scripture reading of (Galatians 6:2). It’s also about knowing when we reach a point in our lives when we can fully understand that “while physical scars may fade, the unseen scars carried in the heart often tell the deeper story.”
CM
McKinley
Thank you for provoking an opportunity to think about how we often form mental judgements based upon our first impressions of individuals we may encounter without knowing anything about their experiences and circumstances. Those judgements are formed in large part by our own standards and expectations. However, we have to avoid becoming sanctimonious and search our hearts for compassion rather than scorn.
Sam,
Blessings for sharing your insight and comments. They were great comments taken to heart. I’ve learned not to be “sanctimonious” years ago when I try hard not to judge others, especially by their appearance. I’ve also learned the importance of empathy. That is where the search within our hearts for compassion rather than scorn is put to rest.
McKinley