This week, while running errands, I thought about all those who might be traveling for the 4th of July weekend. I also thought about where I was last year this time.
Last year, I made a conscious decision wife approval of my wife to travel from Alabama to Virginia and spend some time with my 102-year-old grandmother for the holiday.
I will never forget the 4th of July celebration because it was an intentional act of kindness I wanted to impart to her before she left this world.
Then I thought about several of my comrades in arms who I served with in the military who passed away over the years and did not make it to half her age.
Most of them died in their early to 40’s, with only a few reaching their mid-50s.
I thought about their families and how they now celebrate the various holidays without them because they were gone too soon.
Many of us know the importance of family and friends and how fragile life can be from one day to the next.
Gone too soon is my reminder of cherishing the moments we have while you and I are among the living.
Sometimes, the best plans in the world quickly change, like the recent death of the actor Carl Weathers, the Rocky (Apollo Creed), who died in his sleep on February 1, 2024, at the age of 76.
Carl Weathers’ Posthumous Super Bowl Ad Will Be Adjusted – Inside the Magic
However, what about those that are not of Carl Weathers status?
In the military, I grew up believing that all of us are replaceable.
That statement is true today because people will adapt if you and I are absent.
However, adapting to losing a family member or friend is another story.
As one who understands and has studied the importance of Clinical Mental Health Counseling, I know the grieving process can take years for some, and it requires our support.
Ways to support someone who is grieving – Harvard Health
You and I will not know how our story will end in this life as we deposit various lessons for others to take in.
I frequently think about the seasons when people entered and exited my life and the lessons they imparted to me.
Notably, all my comrades in arms who died in their early 40’s or mid-50s.
Today, we know many who have gone too soon, both family and friends.
We know that you and I can be here and gone today.
My 102-year-old grandmother, that I spent time with last year during the 4th of July, died on December 18, 2023.
As I reflected on the recent holiday, I also thought about how her children spent their Christmas holidays reflecting on her life as they had begun the grieving process last year.
It was the same when my mother died on December 21, 2016, preparing for the funeral after Christmas. All of my siblings were present at her funeral except one brother.
My gratitude journal is full of reflections.
I’ve often written in my gratitude journal the names of the people who called me many times, provided insight into my challenge, or helped me along the way.
You and I are not immune to death and need no reminders that life is short.
The challenge is learning the lessons of others who enter your life for a season and celebrating them while they are still here.
This past Saturday, because I chose not to travel out of state for the 4th of July weekend, I could provide Holy Communion to my 102-year-old brother Knight.
I took a moment this weekend to reflect on my journey and the life lessons we shared as I brought him Holy Communion for the past three years.
If it’s God’s will, I will help him celebrate his 103rd birthday in less than 30 days.
As you begin another week, I pray that all went well for you this past weekend and that you, too, were able to make memories.
For those family and friends that have “Gone too Soon,” what lesson do you remember most about them that you still use today?
Whenever I need encouragement, I’m reminded of the many words of inspiration hanging on my wall. “Take pride in how far you’ve come. Have faith in how far you can go.
It’s moments like this where there is always a lesson from those who went the distance for me, whether living or dead, while knowing how far I must travel.
In reading this blog, and my having used this phrase before, I was left with the question of what does ‘Gone Too Soon’ actually mean. Definition – a phrase used to express the sentiment that someone or something has left or gone away prematurely, unexpectedly or before their time. A way to convey that an experience or life was cut short when there was still so much potential and time left. When I think of this phrase in terms of people I initially think of my 29 year old brother who passed only 2 months shy of being 30 years old. He was 5 years older than me. He was ‘gone too soon’ for my parents, my siblings, his wife and 4 year old daughter, his friends, and me. Comparatively speaking, was my great Aunt Ruth ‘gone too soon’ when she passed at the age of 106? How about my newborn cousin who didn’t make it through the entire first 24 hours of her life? Surely she was considered ‘gone too soon’. Or was she, since she never really lived. By what means do we measure if someone has ‘gone too soon?’ And what about the person living in a facility with no family or friends who passes away at any age? Have they also ‘gone too soon’? And if so by what measure. I just thought I would post this comment because I have never heard the phrase ‘gone right on time’ used in this regard. Thank you McKinley for yet another thought-provoking topic. I look forward to your and anyone’s response.
Carolyn,
Greetings, today after reading your comments, my heart goes out to you for the loss of so many family members. Many times, we don’t know the story of others and what they are dealing with as it relates to the loss of a family member. I was honored to hear your story and appreciate your support in this blog.
McKinley
CM, I feel as though most individuals will have a different perspective on Gone Too Soon, but I believe that there is a shared sentiment that the people that are no longer with us – well they are still a part of our lives. Likewise, I found it to be true in my own life with my grandmother who is longer with me and a retired Command Sergeant Major I served with at my first duty station. My grandmother taught me discipline and hard work. While on the other hand, this Command Sergeant Major sat me down and elaborated on the importance of discipline, standards, and accountability which has been a part of my military career for the past 25 years. Additionally, I have tried to continue their legacy by how I carry myself in life.
Terrance
Greetings,
What you wrote is powerful as you and I continue to live out each day. I too believe there are lessons learned from others. When my wife’s sister passed away in 1998 leaving us in charge with her son that was not of legal age, it took a toll on my wife because they were very close.
It’s hard to believe 26 years have passed, yet a day goes on without some sort of reminder of her life. I learned invaluable lessons from watching how my wife changed from the loss of her sister. Thank you for sharing your story and allowing me to share mine.
CM
As I reflect on the question, “what lesson do you remember… from those gone too soon that you still use today”, I remain most proud and grateful to 2 special ladies. The lessons each shared circled around doing what’s right; being mindful of who I’m “hanging” with; to handle truth head on; to speak-up or remain quiet; and to fight or get my “culito” whooped when I get back home. These ladies had long conversations with me, and their approach was comically different. One was rather calm and quiet while the other was ready to kick-ass and forget about taking names. Still, they both believed that when things don’t work out, you cannot pretend it didn’t happen. More often, whether they like it or not, you must hone the courage to go against the family (or others) for the sake of truth, justice, and safety. They also told me to never ignore my spider senses…don’t try to change people, don’t try to be the hero, don’t talk or let money be a determining factor; and when it’s not safe quietly walk away (and stay away).
It wasn’t always about how to take prisoners and handle combative situations. I also learned its okay to let my hair down, dance, dance, and dance some more. In short, it’s okay to indulge just as long as I take care of business first and never forget who and where I am. They told so many things… for now, I’ll just take this moment to honor my personal champions… my Light Bearers, my grandmother Anastacia and Titi (Aunt) Rosa. They were both courageously independent women; both fiercely in love with their grandkids, passionate believers who were not afraid to step-in, step-up, or step-out; both gone too soon!
Frances
Thank you for sharing some powerful insights that many need to hear. As I read the lessons, I can see that each of these ladies helped mold you to become the person you are today. I particularly like the advice about “never ignore your spider senses.” Thank you for sharing and honoring your personal champions and Light Bearers.
McKinley